When Autism diagnosis comes as an adult, there is a feeling that many people describe. It isn’t simple relief. Nor is it celebration. It’s something so complicated that one research participant invented a word for it: grelief. This portmanteau of grief and relief , describes perfectly these two feelings arriving simultaneously, so tangled together that no existing word could quite contain both at once.1.
More Australians than ever are receiving Autism diagnoses in adulthood
Long described as a childhood condition, a growing number of people are being diagnosed with Autism in adulthood. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics,2 more than 290 000 Australians had a formal Autism diagnosis in 2022, a 41.8% increase from 2018. In fact, that figure is likely an underestimate. Aspect estimates prevalence to be at least 1 in 40,3 closer to 700 000 people! Aspect further states that,
“We have also seen a boost in diagnoses amongst previously under-recognised groups such as women and girls, along with older Australians aged 60+.” – Aspect
So a significant proportion of diagnoses have been delayed and are happening in adulthood. Autistic women and girls are particularly affected by delayed diagnosis. Research by McCrossin estimated that 80% of Autistic women in Australia are not diagnosed by the age of eighteen.4 It is likely that this is due to greater camouflaging behaviour (adapting and imitating socially typical behaviour), and the fact that assessment tools have historically been developed based on how Autism presents in males.2
As a result, entire generations of people who grew up without answers, coping, adapting, and finding ways to perform ‘neurotypically’, but are now, in later life, finally understanding why life always felt harder than it seemed to for everyone else.
The emotional impact of a late diagnosis
In research with Australian Autistic women, Pollock & Krupka5 identified seven key emotional themes in the diagnostic journey: frustration at barriers to diagnosis, fear and self-doubt on the path to self-acceptance, grief when revisiting the past, shock at discovering a new sense of self, anger at having been dismissed, relief at finally being authentic, and pride and belonging in community.
In a systematic review of lived experiences of adult Autism diagnosis6 identified that, post-diagnosis, Autistic adults experience “haphazard supports”, with some people feeling “abandoned” after diagnosis or that services on offer were not appropriate for age or support needs. Yet, as we’ve seen, post-diagnosis is a time of complex emotions and of redefining identity. Without support during this period, mental health challenges persist including feelings of grief, isolation and emotional exhaustion.7 Pollock & Krupka concluded that care in this post-diagnosis period as a “critical area of concern”.5
The relief and grief of Autism diagnosis as an adult
Grief is one of the most consistent findings in the research on late Autism diagnosis, and one of the least expected emotional responses for many people when it arrives.
Research highlights that adults diagnosed with Autism often engage in “retrospective re-evaluation”, revisiting and reinterpreting past experiences through an Autism lens.7 The layered emotional process that ensues has been coined the Grief, Relief and Belief Cycle8 in which there is often relief in finally understanding oneself, alongside grief for past misunderstandings or missed support. It’s also common for this new insight to prompt a period of identity re-evaluation, as people begin to make sense of their life through a different lens and integrate this understanding into a more coherent sense of self.8
New Autistic Identity
For many late-diagnosed adults, the diagnosis helps explain the past but it also destabilises a sense of self that was carefully constructed over decades. Who you thought you were, and who you actually are, may need some time to unite into a cohesive sense of self. This is sometimes called identity reconstruction and it is complex, deeply personal work.
Some people find the Autistic identity immediately resonant and embrace it fully. Others hold it at arm’s length for a while, incorporating it gradually. Some older late-diagnosed adults have been found to externalise Autism, viewing it as separate from their core identity rather than integrating it.9 All of these responses are valid. There’s no correct way to make sense of a late diagnosis.
Research on personal identity following Autism diagnosis found that greater time elapsed since diagnosis relates to less dissatisfaction with Autistic identity, and more Autistic pride predicts higher self-esteem.10 Adjusting to a diagnosis, however, can be a painful process but it does often eventually lead to greater self-compassion.7
But the path to self-compassion isn’t immediate, and it isn’t linear. It takes time, and it tends to go better with support, support which so much research suggests is either not available or not appropriate.5 8 11
So what helps?
The research is clear on a few things that help post-diagnosis.
Community matters enormously. Finding other late-diagnosed Autistic adults, online or in person, who understand the specific experience of finding out later in life, can be profoundly validating in a way that no amount of clinical information replicates.7
A therapist who understands adult Autism can be a genuine ally in this transition, helping to process emotions like grief or anger, and develop strategies for the challenges you’re facing.5 The emphasis on understands adult Autism is important. A neurodivergence-affirming therapist, one who doesn’t require you to explain masking from scratch, who doesn’t inadvertently reinforce neurotypical expectations, and who understands the specific landscape of late diagnosis, is worth seeking out, and perhaps essential.
Time, too, is part of it. The research consistently shows that the distress of early post-diagnostic adjustment tends to ease as people find language, community, and understanding. Over time, increasing self-identification as Autistic can encourage a view of Autism as a positive difference rather than a deficit.10
That shift, from deficit to difference, isn’t automatic but it’s possible. For many late-diagnosed Autistic adults, it becomes a deeply meaningful reframe, allowing them to understand themselves with greater clarity, compassion, and acceptance.
A note on self-identification
Not everyone who recognises themselves as Autistic will pursue, or be able to access, a formal diagnosis. Costs can be prohibitive, waitlists long. Some people simply just don’t see the need for it.
Self-identification is a valid path.12 The research, the community, and a lifetime of lived experience are legitimate sources of knowledge about yourself. If you’ve arrived at a clear sense of your own neurodivergence without a formal diagnosis, that knowledge deserves to be taken seriously, including in a therapeutic context.
Making sense of my Autism diagnosis
If what you’ve read resonates, you might find my free Making Sense of My Autism Diagnosis reflection guide a useful next step. It offers gentle prompts and space to explore your thoughts and feelings about your diagnosis in your own time, at your own pace. If you’re working with a therapist, your reflections might become a starting point for sessions where you can go deeper, but there’s no obligation to share any of it with anyone. Use it in whatever way works best for you. Click the button to download it for free.
You don’t have to do this alone
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, it is better if you don’t.5 A late Autism diagnosis is a significant life event. It deserves more than a letter and a list of ‘helpful’ websites. The identity work, the grief, the reframing – these are things that go better in relationship, with someone who genuinely understands the territory.
If you’re navigating the post-diagnostic period and looking for support, I’d love to hear from you. I’m a neuro-affirming counsellor with lived experience of neurodivergence. I work with late-diagnosed and self-identifying Autistic adults and offer a free 15 minute introductory call for you to find out more about how I can help you. If that interests you, book in via the button below.
References:
- Longley, S. L., Anns, S., & Farsides, T. (2025). “Grelief- it is a combination of grief and relief”: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis of Women’s Experiences Following an Autism Diagnosis in mid-late adulthood. [Unpublished manuscript]. School of Psychology, University of Sussex. doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/yf8xj_v1
- Australian Bureau of Statistics. Autism in Australia. 2022. Accessed April 1, 2026. https://www.abs.gov.au/articles/autism-australia-2022
- Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect). At least 1 in 40 Australians are Autistic: New estimate by Aspect on…. 2024. Accessed April 1, 2026. https://www.aspect.org.au/news/at-least-1-in-40-australians-are-autistic
- McCrossin R. Finding the True Number of Females with Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Estimating the Biases in Initial Recognition and Clinical Diagnosis. Child Basel Switz. 2022;9(2):272. doi:10.3390/children9020272
- Pollock A, Krupka Z. Late bloomers: Exploring the emotional landscape of Australian women’s experiences of a late Autism diagnosis. Autism. 2026;30(2):426-438. doi:10.1177/13623613251386983
- Nayyar JM, Stapleton AV, Guerin S, O’Connor C. Exploring Lived Experiences of Receiving a Diagnosis of Autism in Adulthood: A Systematic Review. Autism Adulthood. 2025;7(1):1-12. doi:10.1089/aut.2023.0152
- Leedham A, Thompson AR, Smith R, Freeth M. ‘I was exhausted trying to figure it out’: The experiences of females receiving an autism diagnosis in middle to late adulthood. Autism. 2020;24(1):135-146. doi:10.1177/1362361319853442
- Mair APA, Gonzalez-Figueroa M, McConachie D, Goodall K, Gillespie-Smith K. Grief, Relief, and Belief: A Social Media Study on Late Identification of Neurodivergence. Autism. Published online April 3, 2026:13623613261437916. doi:10.1177/13623613261437916
- Hickey A, Crabtree J, Stott J. ‘Suddenly the first fifty years of my life made sense’: Experiences of older people with autism. Autism. 2018;22(3):357-367. doi:10.1177/1362361316680914
- Corden K, Brewer R, Cage E. Personal Identity After an Autism Diagnosis: Relationships With Self-Esteem, Mental Wellbeing, and Diagnostic Timing. Front Psychol. 2021;12:699335. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.699335
- Huang Y, Arnold SR, Foley KR, Trollor JN. Diagnosis of autism in adulthood: A scoping review. Autism. 2020;24(6):1311-1327. doi:10.1177/1362361320903128
- Reframing Autism. Position Statement on Diagnosis. 2024. Accessed April 1, 2026. https://reframingautism.org.au/position-statement-on-diagnosis/